Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Hello everyone, I am back again.

Once again, I haven't been on for a while. I know I had posted about being in the hospital, and now I am going from one doctor to another and one test after another. It wears me out and by the time I get home I can barely check my e-mail to see if I had any Avon orders. Even something that seems this simple is wearing me out.
My pain management doctors have changed my medications, unfortunately they increased my dose 2 weeks ago, and on Saturday I ran out. Needless to say, with the meds I take, I went through horrible withdrawl. I had an appointment with him today, and I am finally feeling a bit better.
I had to see a Cardiologist, I saw him last week. He seemed very concerned and I wasn't happy with the look on his face when he was reading my hospital records. (He has been my husband's cardiologist for years, and his son and my son are friends, so I kind of know his expressions). He wants me to get a stress test, I am not sure if I will be able to hold up long enough on the treadmill to get my heart rate up. My legs are getting worse and worse. He also order a "Bubble Test" I am not exactly sure what that is, but he said he will inject bubbles into my heart to see if I have a hole in my heart, and I think he said he can tell if I may have had a mild stroke with the test as well. I just can't connect the two. How can your heart tell you if you've had a neurological problem? Needless to say, I am a bit scared. I've also been snapping at everyone around me. Especially my husband. Some of it is justified, but other times it's not.
Last night the kitchen was a disaster. Everyone one else was getting ready for bed and just ignoring it. They knew I wasn't feeling well, they knew I was having withdrawl syptoms and I am supposed to be taking it easy. I got so disgusted I finally got up and cleaned it. By the time I was done, I was light headed, dizzy, nauseas and I just felt horrible. I made it a point to talk to all of them today and really stress the fact that last night was unacceptable and I need help around here. I can't do it all alone, and they need to step up to the plate and help. Guess what. Everyone is asleep and I just got done cleaning the kitchen. I just don't get it. I understand they are "boys", you notice I didn't say "men" but I have to find someway to get through to them. It's not just me being a clean freak, I am far from that. I can deal with a little clutter, and things out of place. I have 4 kids, I got used to it. But leaving dirty dishes and pots and pans on the stove with food in them goes beyond "messy". It's filth! If I let it go, we'll have several science experiments growing in the kitchen! That isn't healthy for any of us. That's not the only thing. My son and I are allergic to dust  and no one else dusts the house but me. I just can't deal with this much more. I sometimes wish I would hit the lottery, not for alot of money, just enough to get ahead and hire a maid to keep the place clean.
Oh well, it's a nice dream anyway.
I am also getting discouraged with selling Avon. My sons go out and put brochures on all the doors in the neighborhood. I've gotten 2 orders from the neighborhood, 2 from my mother, 1 from my father (because I told him about a watch my mom likes and I told him to get it for her for christmas) 1 from my sister, and 1 from a friend. That's 7 orders in 2 months. And, none of the orders were very large, so I really didn't make anything after I had to order new brochures and supplies. Oh, I forgot, I did get 3 on-line orders, but Avon puts that on your account to help pay any balance or future balance.
Oh well, that's the way life goes sometimes and when God is ready for my life to settle down, it will settle down. I have a friend who is a minister's wife, she tells me I have Job syndrome. That's OK with me. I know how the book of Job ends. Or, like Mother Theresa said "God doesn't give us more than we can handle. I just wish he didn't trust me so much."
I hope anyone reading this is doing well, if your not, keep your faith, whatever faith that may be and everything will work out the way it is supposed to.
Soft Hugs to All
Laurie D.

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